1tspred pepper flakesoptional but we highly recommend
Freshly cracked black pepper to taste
Instructions
Prep the Bacon
Freeze bacon 15 min, then cut crosswise into uniform ½-inch lardons (pieces).
Render the Bacon
Cook in batches in a large skillet over medium heat until deep brown and crispy, 8–10 min per batch. Reserve 3–4 tbsp fat; discard rest. Transfer bacon to paper-towel-lined plate.
Cook the Onions
Cook diced onions in reserved fat over medium heat until soft and translucent with golden edges, 10–15 min. Add garlic and cook 1 more minute.
Deglaze
Increase to high heat. Add bourbon; scrape up all browned bits. Bubble hard for 2 full minutes to cook off alcohol.
Slow Cook
Transfer onion mixture and bacon to slow cooker. Add coffee, both vinegars, maple syrup, brown sugar, pepper flakes, black pepper, and thyme bundle. Stir to combine. Cook HIGH 4 hrs or LOW 6–8 hrs. Remove lid for last hour.
Skillet Finish
Discard thyme. Transfer to a wide 12-inch skillet over medium-high heat. Cook, stirring constantly, 20–30 min until sticky, glossy, and mahogany-dark. Drag test: spoon through jam should hold 1 second before flowing back.
Finish and Jar
Optional: pulse 2–3 times in food processor for smoother texture. Don't over process, this should have texture.
Cool completely before jarring.
Notes
Do NOT put raw bacon directly in the slow cooker — results in greasy, flabby texture that won't render.
The skillet finish is mandatory. Slow cooker = flavor. Stovetop = texture.
Fridge: 2–3 weeks airtight. Freezer: up to 3 months. Always serve warm or room temp.
Too firm after refrigerating? Stir in a splash of water or bourbon while reheating over low heat.